So I said I wouldn’t be able to post until hell week ended, and here I am, typing a second entry not twenty-four hours afterward.
Maybe if I say that more often, I’d finally be able to post in time to meet certain fanfiction deadlines. But today gave us (or me, at least) such an emotional work out that it would be a crime not to share it. The happier parts, I mean. Unless you’re particularly fond of schadenfreude, in which case it’s a pleasure to provide you with moments of my torment I think.
Today was a roller coaster of emotions, lots of highs, lows, and the occasional
okay, maybe omnipresent loopy moments. And they were all with these people who, in the course of two and a half semesters, have become a very precious part of my life.
I spent nearly twelve hours with my awesome forever classmates*. That’s probably the longest I’ve spent with anyone in college that I didn’t know in high school or any time before entering college.
So sue me, I don’t have a social life. Or at least, I didn’t have one. We spent practically the whole day together, and we seem to be getting bigger in number.
I like that we stick with each other like there’s a stretchy bit of adhesive gluing us together. And I mean that literally and figuratively, especially in my case. I consider it another
creepy tendency guilty pleasure to be physically close to the people I want to keep close — I tend to walk with an arm around another person’s (someone I’m rather close with) or with an arm around their waist (particularly the girls, though it’s more out of habit than anything else) or over their shoulders. I have an inkling that I was a leech in one of my past lives. Don’t judge me.
Anyway, the day started off in a normal way
as much as the word applies to me or anything in connection with me. I met my sister as I was getting out of the house and ended up trying to keep her from ripping my bloody clothes off. I tried to resist her urge to make me her live, life-sized though my height barely classifies me as such, personal bloody Barbie. I spent about twenty-five minutes alternately threatening and pleading her not to tinker with my clothes. (I rather like my usual outfit of pants and whatever I grabbed from my color-coded wardrobe, thank you very much.) I mean seriously, is it a natural elder sibling thing to want to torture younger siblings by making them wear clothes they normally wouldn’t wear?
The next fifteen minutes were spent pulling on the clothes haphazardly and rushing to school, praying that I wouldn’t be late. (I absolutely detest being late.) Good thing there seemed to be a consensus about coming to school later the closer the end of the semester came.
When I got there, there were only three or four people, but an Amazing classmate of mine immediately noticed my
reluctantly worn ensemble: a fatigue-colored, long-sleeved turtleneck shirt, half-thigh-length, cream-colored shorts, and pink heels with a bloody bow. I had to sniff then and wonder what had happened to my lovely full pants, long-sleeved top, and strappy flats. Do you see the contrast between the outfits? Do you see my sister’s sadism?? As a consolation, I did have my high school jersey jacket to cover my legs with, but bloody hell. If sensei hadn’t turned off the airconditioning, I would have undoubtedly needed to thaw the solidified blocks of fat that my thighs had become. But she took a picture. My Amazing classmate took a bloody full body picture. Ogawd, as early as now, I apologize to the people whose eyes will burn when they see the image.
Amusingly enough, a Lean guy was wearing something that complemented my outfit: khaki shorts and a black shirt with a pretty high collar and a fancy zipper that reached mid-chest
and could make him look like a conservative priest imitator of sorts or a daringly seductive something with the flick of a wrist HAHA oh gods, I hope honest to goodness they never find this, and if they do, I’m praying for them to PLEASE NOT KILL ME. Together, our friends would either fondly tease us as scuba divers (our tops looked like rash guards), or the second part of our class’s Winter Collection. (By the way, the temperature outside ranged from twenty-five to thirty degrees Celsius. And we’re in the tropics.)
(As a side note, the original Winter Collection pair was the girl that Maye be seated between me and the Lean guy, and the Awkward guy Beating on the table to our right. Their motif was grey.)
So anyway. That morning, for one reason or another, I was still out of it
I mean, you know, more than I normally am and I’m pretty much flunked the quiz we had at the end of our three-hour period. So of course I was all emo about it after class which is weird, considering it was my fault that my scrambled mind kept matching the wrong words with the wrong meanings, and putting a tossed salad with twenty ingredients to shame with my translations. I swear, I annoy myself when I have PMS. So what the hell, I took it out on rewriting my messy notes. And then doing a third of our kanji homework. I could have completed more rows, but my OC-ness had me erasing every and any disproportional characters. Of course, being who I am, this was interspersed with an appropriate amount of fangirling, music, and the usual insanity among my peers.
Considering I almost surely flunked a quiz in a major subject for no apparent reason, I was able to recover my spirits quickly. I attribute that to the awesome people that are my forever classmates.
And then came Lingg130.
We all knew that today, our previous exam would be returned to us to be rechecked and that we would be shown our midterm standings. But holy bloody hell. My mood plummeted faster than it had recovered, and I very bloody nearly hyperventilated. My score was only 1.5 points higher than the passing grade. I attached the wrong files to the email I sent to our professor. (Thankfully, he still accepted it when we sent the right file. I’d like to give Avie-g round of applause and hugs to the person who lent us his broadband for us to be able to go online and retrieve the files.
The wi-fi on the fourth floor sucks.) And our professor was telling us that we did a pretty horrible job with our bibliographic list. Which I compiled by myself for my group. So if I had fucked up bad, I’d be bringing down my two other groupmates with me. I did not want to be the reason someone suffered like that.
You have absolutely no idea how utterly anxious and paranoid I was.
I was absolutely panicking when we were made to go outside and wait for our turn. Since I was second to go in, I had paced around, ranted to cover up my building fear, and clung to people in a desperate attempt to somehow leech off some fragments of calm or something
which I happen to realize has no sense of logic whatsoever. A conversation with different people, mostly with Lean guys and a bright-eyed Baby , kept me relatively insane. I think I leeched enough happy thoughts from people to get me through the waiting without hyperventilating.
Even after I was done with the consultation (the results of which I’d rather not share), I was still teetering on the edge of normal insanity (Is there even such a thing?) and an all-out panic attack. I did pace around until I settled down beside Lean guys and a bright-eyed Baby, with an arm snaking around another person’s arm. (Come to think of it, I ended up clinging to the same person for most of the day. As I said: leech. I hope he doesn’t think I’m a bloody fangirl or anything. That would most probably be awkward.) Sam-one provided a very interesting diversion when she started doing a dance of sorts because she apparently badly needed to use the restroom, but her name was next on the list and she didn’t want to miss when she was called in.
To make things simple, most, if not all, of us had the urge to huddle in a corner and stick together after our consultations. That’s how it went for most of us.
So after several pit stops on the way down from the fourth floor, it was unanimously decided to head to the nearest mall to de-stress. We earned it, and we bloody well needed it.
And de-stress we did.
Most of the usual group was there, but we were missing Anne Arashi fan and an Awkward Beater. We walked around a lot, ate ice cream, and discussed a whole set of things. There was a lot of food, nice scenery, and an abundance of good company. My body and mind were able to relax, but my wallet very nearly cried.
I’m admittedly a neat freak, but I don’t necessarily have to like it when it applies to my wallet.
It was my first time at that particular mall, and I’m glad I got to spend it in that manner with that set of people. And I realized then that no matter how much TamarynD or lemon-flavored moments in life I receive, no matter how much the colors of my life resemble gems or Coral, these people have made their mark and would forever stand out. I’m really hoping they’ll stay there for life.
It’s really nice to have people who would ride the same wavelength as you, and yet still have their own opinions and would not be afraid to voice them out while still not passing judgement of any kind. We went through several taboo topics, some of our opinions clashed (mostly on the issue of religion), but we were still able to goof off like normal.
We even had our ever-increasing displays of vanity. We are part of a collective group of people who help each other, but we think for ourselves, stand for our beliefs, discuss among and oppose one another, and still stick together in spite of it all.
Despite our many differences, and maybe even because of them, we continue to be together and support each other even in the most subtle of ways.
And you know the best part?
We do it not because we need to, but because we want to.
*forever classmates – As our course has no blocks or anything, and we make our own schedules according to provided subjects, our chances of becoming classmates the whole day is slim. But this semester, we are. Since I’d technically be lying if I called them blockmates as we don’t have one, we tend to call each other forever classmates instead.